


Spider-Man Plays With Puppies While Answering Fan Questions | BuzzFeed Celeb

by Jenniboo311



Series: Social Butterfly Spidey [13]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Peter Parker, Buzzfeed, Dogs, Gen, Humor, Internet, Interviews, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Precious Peter Parker, Secret Identity, Social Media, Video, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenniboo311/pseuds/Jenniboo311
Summary: The words, "BuzzFeed Presents The Puppy Interview", appears in large, white letters, followed by, "Featuring Spider-Man", as animated puppies frolic across the screen chasing a ball."Pit bulls get such a bad rep," Spider-Man says, teasing another puppy with a stuffed toy. "Dogs, like humans, aren't born bad. They are shaped by their circumstances. Abused, starved, not socialized properly. Treat them well with lots of love and attention from an early age and there's no reason they won't turn out to be loving and loyal companions. I mean, just look at this face!" He picks up a puppy and squishes its cheeks.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Avengers Team
Series: Social Butterfly Spidey [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484537
Comments: 73
Kudos: 522
Collections: Peter Parker's Tales





	Spider-Man Plays With Puppies While Answering Fan Questions | BuzzFeed Celeb

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dumbledork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumbledork/gifts), [APlatt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/APlatt/gifts), [Somedayyyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somedayyyy/gifts).



> While Peter's age is never specified, I consider him aged up to probably his early twenties, and is a mix of MCU-Spidey and PS4-Spidey. Endgame and Far From Home didn't happen, and Civil War magically ended with everyone as friends again.
> 
> Dumbledork  
> i don't know what spidey-centric interview you're planning, but if you're taking recommendations I think he's a perfect candidate for one of the buzzfeed puppy interviews (he's already pretty adorable, though, so that much cuteness in one video might actually break youtube/the internet)
> 
> APlatt  
> I don't know if this has been suggested yet or if it's in the works, but I'd love to see Peter do a Buzzfeed interview with kittens or puppies with one of the other avengers
> 
> Somedayyyy  
> I would love to see a puppy interview with Spidey because we all know that he wouldn't be able to concentrate and also because it would he too cute:)
> 
> Tomorrow (May 18th) is my birthday! So here's a reverse birthday gift from me to all of you! PUPPIES. Just a fic with all puppies, because let's face it, Peter's a puppy too.

The video opens on a purple backdrop and energetic music with Spider-Man sitting on the floor. He is dressed casually in dark jeans, white sneakers, a red t-shirt underneath an unzipped black hoodie, and his signature mask hiding his face. The music fades to a lower volume as he begins to speak.

"Oh my gosh," he gushes excitedly as three light grey pit bull puppies waddle up to him and clamber over his lap, "I've always wanted a dog so badly!"

He picks the closest one up and cuddles it to his chest while cooing at it.

"When I was really young my family had a dog. He was a beagle named Dodger. I think my dad must have thought he would help protect the family or something, I guess, but he was the biggest coward!" He laughs and scratches the puppy between the eyes. "I only have vague memories of him, unfortunately. We didn't have him very long before tragedy struck my family and I had to leave my house and move to an apartment building that didn't allow pets. I hope whoever adopted Dodger loved him as much as I did, though!"

The words, " _BuzzFeed Presents The Puppy Interview_ ", appears in large, white letters, followed by, " _Featuring Spider-Man_ ", as animated puppies frolic across the screen chasing a ball.

"Pit bulls get such a bad rep," Spider-Man says, teasing another puppy with a stuffed toy. "Dogs, like humans, aren't born bad. They are shaped by their circumstances. Abused, starved, not socialized properly. Treat them well with lots of love and attention from an early age and there's no reason they won't turn out to be loving and loyal companions. I mean, just look at this face!" He picks up a puppy and squishes its cheeks.

" _If you could be a different hero for a day, who would you be and what would you do?_ " Displays across the screen as staff members pile more puppies onto Spider-Man's lap.

"Hmm," the hero prevaricates, "That sounds a lot like who is your favorite Avenger and I really don't want to start any wars at the compound. Been there, done that." He laughs nervously.

A puppy bounds over to him and barks excitedly while wagging his little tail. Spider-Man is instantly distracted and playfully mauls him with his hands before tossing a squishy ball for the puppy to fetch.

"Go get it! Go on, go get the ball!" He coos enthusiastically as the puppy scampers off, nails scrabbling on the slippery floor. He returns after only a moment looking incredibly proud and Spider-Man wrestles the slobbery ball from his mouth. "Good boy! Who's a good boy, huh? Who's a good boy? You are, aren't you?! You're a good boy!" He scratches his ears and throws the ball again.

He turns back to the interviewer behind the camera and continues his answer, "Maybe I'd want to be one of the people who works at the puppy rescue and give all my love to these dogs all day. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes after all. Spider-Man may be a hero to the people of Queens but these people are heroes to these adorable little guys who would otherwise be abandoned or dead."

The puppy returns the ball again and the vigilante gushes out a, "Good job!"

" _How often do you get to hang out with the Avengers and is there a group chat?_ " Displays across the screen next as Spider-Man cuddles a couple puppies to his chest, one in each arm. They wriggle impatiently and he smacks a noisy kiss through the mask on the top of each furry head before they successfully wriggle away and start wrestling each other on his lap.

"Oh, I see how it is. No love for Spidey," he pouts sadly. They pay him no further attention and he watches them for a moment, enthralled.

"I hang out with the Avengers pretty often," he says, looking up at the camera reluctantly. "Weekdays and most evenings I have responsibilities that may or may not be a job and/or studies. Late nights are usually taken up by Spider-Man patrols because criminals are jerks and don't like to let me get more than four to five hours of sleep a night. But usually I can find time on the weekends, sometimes every second weekend, to hang out with those bozos. Fridays I can usually snag for myself, but Saturday and Sunday we sometimes train together or do team activities. Saturday nights we sometimes have dinner together or socialize with a game night or something. It all depends on who's around too, and not gone on missions."

He tries to tempt a puppy who is completely disinterested in anything that isn't Spider-Man's shoelaces but fails. He shrugs and lets the tiny beast savage his footwear.

"As for the group chat, yes, it does unfortunately exist. It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Let's see," he starts ticking off on his fingers, "We have a dinosaur from the twenties, that's Steve by the way, who can't work technology to save his life. He insists on proper punctuation and grammar at all times, types with one finger on each hand, and doesn't understand internet lingo, like, at all. Tony punked him once and convinced him that 'LOL' meant 'Lots of Love'. Sounds harmless but then a friend of Steve's had a death in the family and while sending condolences, capped it off with a sincere 'LOL'. Oh man," Spider-Man visibly shudders, "I'm getting serious secondhand cringe just thinking about it now. Don't worry, for all the keyboard warriors about to climb aboard Tony Stark, it was intended to be a harmless joke. He sincerely apologised and Cap explained himself to his friend. I think Tony even paid for the funeral, actually. Ow!" He jerks his foot away from the playful puppy as gently as he can, "That would be my foot, not my shoe. Here! Go fetch!" He throws a squishy bone that he plucks from the floor next to him and the puppy bounds off after it. " Rascal! And then we have Tony, who likes to pull all nighters and sometimes gets confused which app he has open when taking notes on his phone so we get texted a lot of technobabble at three in the morning. Nat doesn't really say much, she just kinda lurks. Totally expected, to be honest. Clint floods the chat with pictures of dogs, which I can't say I object to, and Bucky posts every single Captain America meme or anything Cap related that will make him cringe because he likes to torture him. Sam and Rhodey are done with everyone's shit. It's a train wreck."

" _If you had to be handcuffed to one superhero, who would it be and why?_ "

Spidey laughs and shakes his head in exasperation, "You guys are determined for me to pick sides, aren't you? Do you really want Civil War part two? Because that's how this starts."

One of the puppies suddenly squares up and barks at the vigilante, seeking attention. Spidey gasps dramatically and barks back at the dog. The pup hunkers its front legs to the ground, bum wagging adorably in the air as it barks again.

"C'mere!" He beckons to the dog, patting his lap invitingly. "C'mon!"

The dog gives a final yip before pouncing on his lap, bracing his front paws on the vigilante's chest to lick at his mask. Two of the other dogs see what is happening and follow suit. Spidey giggles helplessly under the onslaught.

"This is the way I die," he chokes out, trying to fend off the slobbery tongues to the face. "But what a way to go. Oh no, the drool is soaking through the mask! C'mon guys, this is gross," he pleads ineffectively. Spidey desperately reaches for a knotted rope and dangles it above his head before flinging it off to the side. The dogs tear off after it and the vigilante tugs at the edge of the neck of the mask, making a disgusted noise.

Spider-Man looks at the camera as though he has just remembered it exists and asks, apologetically, "What was the question again?"

The video cuts, indicating the interviewer has repeated the question.

The arachnid sighs and shrugs his shoulders, "I dunno, guys. Honestly, I could just very easily break the handcuffs so really I wouldn't realistically be handcuffed to anyone. Unless the handcuffs were, like, vibranium or something. In which case I wanna be handcuffed to Shuri or maybe King T'Challa. Thinkin' ahead," he says, winking at the camera and tapping his forehead with two fingers.

" _What is an ideal day for Spider-Man?_ "

"An ideal day for Spider-Man?" He repeats distractedly, watching the nearby puppies play.

"Can we have more puppies? There's not enough puppies!"

He spreads his arms wide in welcome as two crew members herd in two new puppies. "Aw, yes! C'mere you furry little dudes!" He cuddles the newcomers for only a moment before they lose interest and leap over his legs in search of more interesting pursuits. He shifts to lean his weight back on one hand to get more comfortable.

"An ideal day for civilian Spidey is probably getting to see the people in my life that I care about, spending a productive day in my lab, and getting a full eight or nine hours of sleep. Add in an entire pepperoni pizza from Louie's and I'll be all set." He holds a hand to his stomach just thinking about it and make a chef's kiss, pinching his fingers and thumb together and noisily kissing them and throwing the kiss into the air.

"An ideal day for Spider-Man," he says, picking up the ball a puppy dropped on the floor for him and throwing it, "Is probably a day in which I'm not needed." He pats another dog on the back and croons praise. "Just one big boring patrol with absolutely no action. I'd love to have a day where nobody is getting hurt and there's no crime and the biggest complaint is that I'm bored. I won't hold my breath because it will probably never happen, but a spider can dream."

Spidey lunges playfully at one of the dogs and it scampers away, the vigilante's chuckles following after it.

He snorts, "I kinda feel like one of the contestants in that really old movie, Miss Congeniality, that when asked what they wish for they all reply, 'world peace'." He gives a small shrug. "I do though, wish for world peace. As corny as that is. Ooh! Someone's gotta Photoshop my head onto a screenshot of that movie from one of the pageant scenes. C'mon, I know you're all going to scramble to do it as soon as you watch this," he addresses the camera, "Spidey for Miss United States! I'd be a great Miss United States. I'd look fabulous in a bikini. What would be my talent though?" He rubs his mouth in thought. "I can do a cloverleaf tongue! You know that thing where you can roll your tongue twice?" He says excitedly. "Think that's good enough for a talent? I can always keep walking up the wall in my back pocket just in case, I guess."

" _Are you a mutant?_ "

"No," Spidey answers, shaking his head as he pets an affectionate dog looking for attention, "Technically I am a mutate. A mutant is born with the X gene while a mutate is someone who gets powers afterwards. I was born mundane and was later mutated. Unintentionally, but mutated all the same." The dog huffs and flops down onto his lap. "Not that it really matters. Why are you asking? I hope you don't have anything against mutants, or mutates for that matter. We're all just people, my dudes."

" _What's the best advice one of your superhero coworkers has given you?_ "

"Hmm," Spider-Man hums in thought, picking up a puppy and cradling it in his arms like a baby. He tickles its belly as it squirms and chuckles softly. "I guess I would say Tony's advice sticks out to me. He said, 'If you're nothing without the suit, you don't deserve to have it.' It's me, after all, that has the superhuman abilities, the intelligence, the desire to help people, not the suit. It's a lesson I had to learn at the time, and Tony had to deliver it with a bit of tough love, but I'm grateful that he cared enough to crack it over my skull."

He puts the puppy down and it bounds off, immediately getting bowled over by two other dogs. It yelps in surprise and runs away, the two other dogs hot in pursuit. The arachnid snickers as he watches.

"Also, I try to always remember the advice Sam constantly preaches to the team. He used to run support groups with veterans who deal with many of the same issues we, as superheroes, deal with, and usually has a lot of helpful advice. One he says a lot that I sometimes struggle with is, 'Help yourself before you can help others'. Sometimes I push a little harder than I should, but it's important to remember that you can't help anyone if you're dead or out of commission. Gotta know your limits, both physically and mentally."

He picks up a dog passing by and snuggles into it for comfort.

" _Are you a righty or a lefty?_ "

Spider-Man barks out a laugh. "Nobody has ever asked me that before! This is seriously what the masses want to know about me? You guys must be really bored, like seriously."

A curious puppy wanders over to the wall-crawler and promptly sticks its nose in his crotch.

"Woah there, my buddy!" He gently fends off the curious sniffing. "Slow your roll! At least buy a guy dinner first! I need a bit of romancing before we jump right into that." The puppy barks, frustrated, and grabs a stuffed bone to throw around in a tantrum. Spider-Man snorts in amusement. "So that one I'm naming Diva." The dog barks at him. "Yeah, I am," Spidey says to the dog, "Because you're a dramatic bitch." He looks at the camera, "It's okay. I can say that because she's a female dog." His mask twitches with amusement around his mouth.

"I'm actually ambidextrous but I tend to favor my right hand," he says, waving his right hand now holding the knotted rope at the camera. Diva sees him unintentionally waving the toy and leaps at it. "Holy-" the arachnid exclaims, caught off guard. "Alright, here you go. Jeeze!" He throws the rope and Diva scampers after it. "She's, uh, she's pretty spirited."

" _Can you speak more than one language, and if not, what would you like to learn?_ "

Spidey nods his head, "I can speak more than one language. I can't speak them all fluently, but I can get by. English, obviously. That's my first language. I can speak Spanish fairly well. _Hola amigos! ¿Como estan?_ I know sign language pretty well, though I am still learning a lot of the less common words and phrases." He flips the bottom of his mask up and mouths the words, 'Hello friends,' while saluting with his right hand and then hooking his index fingers together. He flips his mask back down. "I also know a bit of Italian, since my parent figure comes from an Italian family and Tony likes to mutter in Italian sometimes. _Ciao amico, come stai?_ "

A puppy runs behind him and starts running in circles before flopping down and breathing hard, little furry belly gasping. Spidey looks behind himself to coo at the sight and scrubs his fingers down the belly.

"I know a few bits and pieces of Russian from Bucky and Nat, though I won't embarrass myself here by trying to speak it right now. I guess if I had to name a language I want to learn, I would say Japanese. Tony and Pepper have been teaching me little bits here and there and I love it. Such a cool language. _Kon'nichiwa, ogenkidesuka?_ "

" _What are the weirdest things the Avengers do?_ "

Spider-Man laughs softly to himself as he pets one of the dogs as it lounges next to his lap.

"The weirdest things?" He cocks his head in deep thought. "Hmm, well I probably can't get away with telling you everything. Don't wanna violate the bro code or anything." He gives the camera a cheeky wink and his mask wrinkles with a grin. "Also, because I'm probably pretty weird too and I don't know what they'll retaliate with if I piss them off!"

The dog gets bored and bounds off, yapping at the heels of another.

"Steve apologizes to inanimate objects, like if he bumps into the couch he tells it he's sorry. It's hysterical. I don't think he even realizes he does it but it's bizarre."

A puppy flops across Spider-Man's lap and he promptly coos at it and scratches its belly.

"Bucky always stops the microwave at one second and doesn't reset it so instead of the clock it always has one second remaining." The vigilante sighs in annoyance. "I don't know what possesses him to do that, but it drives everyone crazy. Actually, I've answered my own question. That's probably why he does it."

Another puppy joins the cuddles in his lap and begs for belly scratches which the hero is delighted to provide. "Yeah, alright! Belly scratches for all. That's why I've got two hands! Is that nice, huh? Oh boy, belly scratches!" He digs his fingers in and the puppies squirm with glee.

"What else? Oh, Tony sometimes wakes up out of a dead sleep to rush down to the lab with an urgent idea. You can often see him rushing down the hall in his underwear with his bath robe open and flapping behind him. This is weird enough but most notably he takes the time to pull on socks. No pants. No shoes. Just socks." He shrugs. "The eccentricities of the rich and brilliant, am I right?"

" _Can you help me with a quote for my senior yearbook?_ "

Spider-Man laughs and tugs gently on a puppy's ear.

"I suppose I could do that. But do you want a funny one or a serious one?"

He cocks his head and hums to himself in thought as he pets the puppy in his lap.

"Okay, how about a funny one first? I would say, 'Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called trash can, not trash cannot.'" He places a hand to his heart and says, while trying to hold in his laughter, "It's one of the heroic mottoes I live by."

He tosses a stuffed apple and three dogs tear off after it.

"And if you want a serious one, I guess I would probably say, oh, I dunno, 'Life is too short to be ordinary, go be extraordinary!'"

He picks up the nearest puppy and snuggles it as it squirms. It lasts only three seconds before it manages to wriggle free and Spidey pouts sadly.

"Well, that's it, I guess. Clearly they have no love for Spidey, but maybe some of you guys watching might have better luck. These adorable dogs are from Angel City Pit Bulls in New York. Check them out, or any dog shelter in your area. Just don't forget that tiny dogs grow up to be bigger dogs, and need lots of love and attention. If you're up for that, consider rescuing or adopting a new friend."

He captures two dogs and squeezes them to his chest.

"I don't wanna go."

* * *

Comments

**Slightly_Insane_Bean**

Spidey casually dropping the story about having to give up his dog after what probably sounds like losing one or both of his parents and I'm over here sobbing

**KitKat5091**

I love how Spidey tells every dog they're a good boy or girl, but who tells Spidey he's a good boy? Because someone needs to. He's best boi.

**ProwlSIC**

Huh. Never seen a spider bark before, that's new.

**strangeangel**

Can we all agree that Spidey giggling is the greatest thing ever?

**MakesCentsNotSense**

Spidey calling himself trash ahahahaha ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

**hi_im_jared_19**

"buy me dinner first" ahahahahaha Spidey!

**LeafOnTheWind**

I wonder how long he has been waiting to come across a female dog so he can make a bitch joke

**APlatt**

Apologizing to couches, is Steve Canadian now?

**Dumbledork**

I need to adopt Diva at once

**elglyphis**

Thank you for defending pit bulls! My pit bull has never hurt anyone and is a big softie

**Somedayyyy**

I've never wanted to be a dog so badly. Can I please cuddle Spider-Man?

**TotallyNotDeadpool**

You can adopt me, baby boy. I've got a collar and leash you can put on me. Woof.

**Author's Note:**

> Funny stories: 
> 
> My dad bought the family a beagle intending to take him hunting and he turned out to be a giant coward. He took him on two hunting trips and gave up. 
> 
> My friend's dad thought 'LOL' meant lots of love and kept texting condolences to people with 'LOL' at the end. I guess they were too polite to tell him so he kept doing it. My friend eventually found out and corrected him but when she told me she could hardly get the story out she was laughing so hard. She felt horrible, but it was too ridiculous not to laugh at. Like something you'd see on a sitcom.
> 
> I'm Canadian and I may or may not have occasionally apologized to inanimate objects in my lifetime.
> 
> If you have read my other fics in this series you may notice I used the names of commenters as random users. If I have used your name and this bothers you, please let me know and I will happily change it.
> 
> If you liked my story, please consider dropping me a line to let me know you enjoyed yourself!


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